Today is National Adoption Day. Adoption. A word so filled with emotion. A decision so life-changing for each member of the relationship.
A biological mother who choses adoption has made a terribly difficult decision out of love for that child. She could have made other choices but she made the one that gave her child the best chance for a joy-filled life. A choice that blessed a family with a beautiful child to raise and love. What a beautiful sacrifice she chooses. And I don’t think I ever realized how heart-wrenching and deep that decision would be until becoming a mother myself.
An adoptive family has also made a decision to take in a child who is not theirs biologically and give that child every bit of love and encouragement, every advantage and opportunity they can. What love and beauty they show to a child. And at the same time, they are blessed with all the love that child gives back.
A child that is adopted holds a special place as well. Often they are the one that has been prayed for, waited on, labored over, and pulled between families. As a wise friend stated recently, when one choses to adopt a child, they must realize that the child has ALWAYS experienced trauma. Whether that be within their conscious memory or whether it is subconscious, they have always been separated from one mother or family and then grafted into a new family. That child holds wisdom and experience beyond their years. And they deserve a home where they are treasured and cared for.
Adoption at birth is such a specific type of special birth. The biological mother is not only struggling with the physical and psychological pain and trauma of the birth itself but with the heartache of separating herself from her baby. At the same time, the adoptive parents are dealing with the emotions of becoming parents, trying to carefully consider the biological parents, but truly struggling to keep up with all of their own emotions.
Have you considered a doula being added to that birth team? I believe that having a doula for an adoption birth could provide support for every member of that relationship. Each one with their own concerns and each one desiring support to make the transition in their life. Adoptive parents, what a gift you could give to that biological mother to provide a doula for her. An opportunity to improve her birth experience and give her the gift of empowerment and positive memories as she labors and births this special little one.
Or what about a postpartum doula? As you transition into suddenly being new parents, maybe a full night’s sleep or some extra help catching up on laundry and freezer meals would be a much needed assistance. I would love the opportunity to help you make that transition!
If you are currently any member of an adoption relationship, tonight I am thinking of you. I am overwhelmed by the love, compassion, and grace you show. And I want you to know that you are not without notice. You are making a difference in the lives of others. Please, let me know if I can help you walk that path.