October is Pregnancy Loss Awareness month. Losing anyone is hard. Losing a child is it’s own special kind of unbearable. As a mother who has lost more babies then I care to discuss here, I can tell you that it hurts, that you never forget, that you can not replace the baby you’ve lost. I can also tell you that you will grow, you will feel things more strongly then you did before, that God will use the new you and the pain you feel to mold the rest of your life. I can also tell you that there is absolutely NO “correct” way to feel or to deal with the feelings. One of my losses stands out as the most traumatic, most transforming, most painful of my pregnancy losses. It doesn’t mean that I loved those babies (twins) more or less then others I lost. It just happened that way for me. Other losses have been physically horrific or especially hard in term said of feeling defeated and unprepared.
I reacted a little differently to each one. I know my husband has felt like he’s holding his breathe to see what emotions come flowing as he struggles to deal with his own emotions. And sometimes his have been significantly different from mine. And that’s okay too.
What I want you to know is that your feelings are your own and they are okay. Your baby was indeed a real person and a real loss. The world around you won’t understand (and sometimes you may not even understand yourself!) but you need to allow yourself grace as you mourn the loss of your little one. Whether it’s been hours, days, or years, you have every right to mourn.
You are a changed person because of your experience. It was your experience. You feel it and grieve it as you need. But if you find yourself struggling with unsafe thoughts or actions, please know that there is not shame in asking for help. Your baby would only want good for his Mom. And make no mistake…you are a Mom. Loving your child deeply has earned you that title!